I am not sure where this story begins but I think I can trace back the origins of our homebirth to the day the Renee decided to become a Doula. I am guessing the seed of a homebirth was planted around that time and it kept growing in her head in hopes that one day she would be able to act on the idea that blossomed from that seed. While that could be the start of the story, I think the story got some real momentum in late 2010 when Renee and I made the choice to try and have another baby.
Let me tell you this choice was not an easy one. While both of us really wanted another child (and a sibling for Winston) we also knew what a huge change in life it would be. You see we were almost over the “hump”. Winston was in kindergarten, he was sleeping in, he could get himself dressed, and if maybe we had a long night he could wake up and get himself going without too much effort from us (that makes us sound like awful parents but who hasn’t really had too much wine?) So we tossed the idea of a fourth for our family around and finally came to the mutual decision that it was now or never, so we jumped in and got on our way. I swear that it might have been the shortest trying period ever, because we found out we were pregnant pretty darn quick. So that is where really it began, this idea of a homebirth, back in April 2011.
Once Renee found out that we were indeed having a baby the talk of homebirth was on. It was no doctor, all midwife. It was doula for sure. It was a waterbirth without a doubt. There never seemed to be any hope for a hospital. This was going to be 100% hippie, 100% old school, 100% in our house.
I think my head was 100% spinning.
Renee went to her first local midwife group to setup the pregnancy well visits, do the checkup, and discuss a homebirth. That midwife wanted nothing to do with a homebirth, they were 100% hospital. As you could probably guess they were out. Luckily Renee had been to some holistic mom’s festival where she met a midwife from Hackettstown Midwives. She reached out to them, and as luck would have it they LOVE homebirths. So we were on our way to having this baby at home. Gotta say my head was still spinning, but maybe at 80% now. I was starting to understand where we were going with this.
So from that point on it was a pretty normal pregnancy. We did the ultrasounds, Renee was like any other pregnant lady, and I was like any expecting dad. The main difference were our “doctors” visits that took place with the midwives. Their office wasn’t medical like, instead we sat in soft chairs, the bed was more like a giant couch, they talked to us forever not just 10 minutes. It was like that cared about all of us. Weird. I think my head spinning much less now, I was almost 100% behind the idea at this point. (Disclaimer: This does not mean that I was not scared and nervous out of my mind, because I was at this point and it continued until the actual birth, and still might be hanging on a tad 18 days after)
So the visits continued and I continued to like the team more and more. Renee hired a great doula; we were on our way to a great birth, all she needed to do was make it to week 37. Right before week 37 we took a class on the homebirth where we were prepped on everything we needed to know. We learned about how our house had to be set up, cleaned, how we should prepare our guests, how we should prepare ourselves, and what we should do for Winston. It was a huge dump of information that sent my head spinning again. But we were so deep into this that there was no letting up, I had to grab all that prep by the horns and just charge ahead. I went out and got all the “stuff” we needed; a new hoses, some plumbing fitting, Renee got drop cloths, medical supplies ect….
We cleaned the house like crazy, we wrote friends about the birth, we did what our team asked of us – I think in hopes that our team would do what we asked of them.
At this point it was just a waiting game, just sit and wait for utter chaos to breakout in the house (well at least that is what I imagined would happen). We didn’t stop living though, because would you stop living if you were having a baby in a hospital? Nope! That being said Renee planned to go to dinner with my Aunt June. Little did she know it was a small party for her with some other members of my family. This was on December 8th, plenty of time before her due date of the 23rd! So off she went to dinner, and down Winston and I sat to play FIFA 2012 for a night. All was right with the world. Turns out that all was really right with the world that night because about an hour into dinner Renee’s water broke right that at the restaurant with my cousin Katie right there! I got the call soon after that she was coming home and I had to get the place setup.
This is where it got real.
Winston and I sprung into action. We got on the setup of the birthing tub which went pretty quick to be honest. We setup our bed with the proper sheet configuration. I got changed into comfy(?) clothes. We got the plumbing a hose setup so we could fill the tub when needed. We got some food and coffee going. We even put out special garbage bags and buckets the midwives asked for. We were ready.
Then Renee got home and we opened presents. Yeah her water broke but all she really needed was dry clothes and to sit. It wasn’t like she was ready for the tub, or even much birth like stuff at all. I was nervous but she didn’t really seem worried at all. All I wanted was midwives and doulas, Renee wanted to couch. So that is what we did. We sat on the couch. I ended up putting Winston to bed while Renee sat with my Mom and Aunt. Renee called all the people that she wanted to be at the birth. The midwives were “coming” as was the doula.
About two hours later Renee was starting to have some more serious, consistent, contractions. This is when I was a bit angry that the midwives still weren’t there. Didn’t they know that my wife was going to have a baby in my house at any minute? I mean at this point in time I felt I knew everything there was to know about homebirths because I set the place up, and I could say without a shadow of a doubt that the baby was going to appear at any second with only me there to catch it, weigh it, cut the cord, ect…why did we hire those midwives again?
Fast forward about an hour, we were still in the same spot and the midwives rolled in. They started to setup their stuff, check Renee, and let us know we had quite some time. In fact they felt they had enough time that one of them left to go get Starbucks. So with that knowledge I calmed down some. At this point we had the full crew in the house. I wasn’t alone, and I have to say having the team there and our friends I felt 100% better. I was ready.
I think about 2 hours later, after some walking with Renee. I took a nap.
Yep that is right I slept. Not like passed out sleep. But sleep. It was good.
You know why?
Because when I woke up things picked up in pace.
Renee was having some real contractions now. The tub needed to be filled more.
This was really going to happen. It was about 2am at this point. I think we walked around the living room for another hour. Walking through each contraction. Renee doing all the work, me just leading her around. I think around 3am we moved to the tub. Six of us went in the bedroom, Jen and Carrie stayed in the kitchen. We were in there for about 47 minutes. In those minutes there was some real pain for Renee, pain I could only watch and hold her hand through. I couldn’t take any of it, couldn’t make it better, all I could do was talk and give her water or ice. It is not that a husband does hard work at that point but it also isn’t easy. It isn’t easy seeing someone you love in that sort of pain.
But then all at once, that pain turns to pure joy. That moment when the midwife said that our baby was born Renee’s face changed to pure joy. I went from scared out of my mind to a mushy bag of tears. We added the fourth to our family. At that point Desmond was born, in our HOUSE! We did it! We managed to be part of a 1% (in fact it is less) group that gives birth outside of a hospital. From that point on it was a whirlwind. I think Jen said something like “six people went in, seven came out”. Winston met his new brother. I cut a cord. I weighed Desmond in some blanket contraption. People cleaned up. And then….
We were there in bed. Alone. With a baby that was what? Two hours old.
Where were those nurses that were going to take him and feed him so we could sleep?
Didn’t someone have to check that we put the car seat in right?
Was this it?
Yes it was. I took Winston to school. I came home and slept in the same bed as the baby. It was great.
Sure we had to go to the doctor/hospital the next day.
But guess what it was on our time, we could have people when we wanted. We were in control. It was nice. That homebirth that caused me stress and worry for months was one of the most awesome things I have ever done, and most likely ever will. I feel like I am part of some secret club. I wish I knew other members. Maybe one day I will meet some and we can share our stories over a beer, a homebrewed beer cause I guess this family likes to do a lot of stuff at home.
(So we are 18 days into the new family and I have to say that it feels more complete around here. Winston is still getting used to it, but he is also loving being a big brother. I see us going nowhere but up from here. It is me, Renee, Win, Des, Sofie, Tinsley and two new goldfish ready to tackle the world. I really can’t imagine myself anywhere else, this family rules.)
C-
